Do I love him? Sure. Enough to obey what he commands?

I think about my life ten years from now, what I want my family to be like, the kind of mother I want to be. After I put the kids to bed will I tune in to the latest TV series to "relieve" a day of stress? Or will I get a cup of tea, sit back, and read a book? Will my husband and I talk and pray together or will we be too distracted by the 10 o'clock news? Oh how desperately I want to find my rest in God alone.

Honestly, this thirst for entertainment, the perceived need for distraction, was my biggest stumbling block overseas. I should have been on my knees praying for those to whom I came to share the good news. Instead, I was watching the latest Heroes episode. Why this apathy? Why this careless disregard? It's because I'm afraid. I'm afraid if i turn off all the noise God will show me who he is, and how awful I am in comparison. If I take out the headphones and turn off the TV I will know that He is God. And He is a jealous God at that. He doesn't want half-hearted church attendance and once a week evangelism outings, but a "generous slave" (Mother Teresa) to his will.

Following Jesus is costly.